


i'm the ghost in the back of your head

by transtlanticism



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: F/M, god the finale killed me, i have to have my cath avery crack at s4, i once tried to write a fic where chidi remembered stuff he wasnt supposed to, im gonna do that again bc i never finished it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-16 03:36:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17541926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transtlanticism/pseuds/transtlanticism
Summary: The Architect is lying to him. The informational database is a little too human to be an AI. The assistant keeps getting emotional whenever he's around. The celebrity seems to know too much about him. The monk keeps giving him slices of pizza. And everyone seems determined to keep him as far away as possible from the pretty neuroscientist. Chidi Anagonye isn't sure what this place is, but it is not the Good Place.





	1. Chapter 1

Chidi Anagonye knew two things for certain.

The first was that he was dead. He clearly remembered Uzo, the sidewalk, the air conditioner bearing down on him as if he were nothing more than an obstacle to be mowed into oblivion. He remembered nothing after that, but here he was, sitting a chair, painless and perfectly repaired, so he couldn’t be alive. 

_Except the anxiety,_ he thought. _I still have that. Where am I?_

The second was that something was wrong. Something was deeply, fundamentally wrong. He couldn’t put a finger on what it was, but there was a weight on his chest, tying him down to something he couldn’t name. He desperately searched his memory, but came up woefully blank.

Nothing. His life seemed distant, dull, as if something was missing.

“Chidi?”

He whipped his head towards the door. It was open now, a woman with blonde hair leaning out into the waiting room with a bright smile on her face.

“I’m Eleanor,” she said. “Come on in.” 

…

Eleanor’s office was tidy and organized. There was a desk, one chair centered perfectly in front of it, a portrait of a man he didn’t recognize on the wall, limited decorations, and a file in front of her.

“I’m the Architect of this neighborhood,” she said. “Neighborhood 12358X. The first thing you need to know, Chidi, is that you are dead.”

This was unsurprising. 

“Okay,” he said. “So what exactly…is this place?”

She smiled again, leaning on the desk against both forearms. “This is the Good Place,” she said. “Welcome to paradise.”

There was a long moment where something shifted behind her facade. The smile didn’t fade from her face, but he could suddenly sense the same _wrongness_ he’d felt earlier. He almost opened his mouth, about to ask her if there was something wrong, but she shook her head and the look disappeared.

“Normally, I’d take you on a tour of the neighborhood now, but I unfortunately have my hands full with another resident,” she said cheerily. “My assistant, Michael, will take you for a look around, introduce you to some of your 321 neighbors. Do you like frozen yogurt? We have a lot of frozen yogurt places.” She didn’t seem to be waiting for a response. “Janet?”

There was a loud _bing,_ and another woman appeared beside Chidi with long brown hair and a grin that quickly disappeared when her eyes landed on him.

“Hi,” she said. 

“Uh—who is this?” Chidi managed. “Can we _teleport_ here?”

Eleanor coughed a laugh. “Janet is our informational database here in the Good Place. She has the answers to every question in the universe.”

_Every question?_ “Um, in the summer of 2012,” Chidi said, thinking quickly, lifting a pencil off of Eleanor’s desk, “I lost my favorite pencil. Do you know where it went?”

Janet’s eyes shifted to Eleanor for a moment, and in that split second, the same dark shadow passed over her face. “It was wedged between your mattress and the wall for sixteen days,” she said brightly. “After that, when your friend Henry came to visit, he brought his dog, who found the pencil and carried it outside into a bush. It was there for 472 days before a magpie spotted it and stole it, then dropped it into the ocean, where it was swallowed by a large fish that promptly died. Any other questions?”

“Can you please get Michael for me?” Eleanor interrupted, catching sight of Chidi’s bewildered look. “I need him to take Chidi around the neighborhood for me.”

“I thought you were going to give Chidi the tour,” Janet said carefully. 

Eleanor flashed a forced smile, casting a look at Chidi. “I can’t.” 

There was brief silence as Chidi attempted to figure out the confusing energy of the room. There was clearly something off about Eleanor, something Janet knew about, even though she wasn’t human…

Chidi’s mind blared in warning.

_Don’t trust her. She’s lying to you._

Maybe he could ask Janet about her. But could he trust Janet?

No. He couldn’t. 

“I’ll get Michael,” Janet said finally. “He’s right outside, he should be here in just a moment.” 

She disappeared with another _bing._ Chidi turned to find Eleanor studying him, her eyes unreadable.

“You lived a really remarkable life,” she said softly. “You’re here for a reason, Chidi. I hope we get to know each other quickly.”

_Don’t trust her,_ his brain whispered again. _She’s lying to you._

The door swung open and an older man in a suit stood in the doorway. “Eleanor?”

“I, uh, need you to be the one to take Chidi around the neighborhood,” she said. “I’m a bit preoccupied, unfortunately—do you mind?”

“Are you sure?” Michael glanced at Chidi, then back at Eleanor. “It would be a good opportunity for him to get to know you a little bit.”

There it was—the same look. Whatever this was, Michael knew about it, too.

“All in good time,” Eleanor chirped. “I’ll check in with you later. I need to, uh, deal with…um…some…incidents.”

“What kind of incidents?” Chidi challenged. 

Eleanor met his eyes. “Um…arson,” she offered.

“Arson?” he demanded. “In the Good Place? There are arsonists here?”

“Not here,” she said quickly. “No one here is an arsonist.”

“But you said the problem was with another resident.”

“I’ve got it under control!” Eleanor practically shepherded him out the door. “I’ll stop by to say hi later, Chidi, okay? I gotta go.”

As the office door shut behind him, he realized he was still holding Eleanor’s pencil. “One second,” he said to Michael. “This is Eleanor’s. I should give it back.”

“Oh, wait—” Michael started, but Chidi had already opened the door. He stopped short, arrested by what he saw.

Eleanor, head on the desk, face covered by her arms, clearly sobbing. As Chidi watched, the door only a crack open, she lifted her head, still gasping for breath, and reached for a tissue under her desk. 

“Chidi?”

“Uh, she’s busy,” Chidi answered, turning back to Michael and tucking the pencil into his pocket. “I’ll find her later.” 

The image never left his mind, hours later, as he sat at the counter of his little apartment and watched people pass on the street. Questions streamed through his brain on high speed, each more confusing than the next.

_Who is she, really? Why was she lying to me? Why did she say there was an arsonist?_

_Is that Tahani Al-Jamil? Why is she walking next to a man in monk’s robes?_

_Why was Eleanor crying? Who knew extraterrestrial beings could cry?_

_Why does this place feel so wrong, and yet so familiar?_


	2. Chapter 2

 Eleanor pulled a silk throw pillow over her mouth and let out a strangled scream. 

“Darling, don’t wreck the cushions,” a voice called from the front hall. “If you want to destroy something, go over to Jason’s. This is hardly the place for it.”

“Sorry.” Eleanor tossed the pillow back where it belonged and dropped her arms back beside her on the couch. “Holy shirt. You should have seen the look on his face. Like he’d been wiped blank. He didn’t know who I was.”

“That’s good,” Tahani enthused. At Eleanor’s withering look, she quickly added, “It means he doesn’t know who Simone is, either.”

Eleanor sat up and swung her feet off the ornate golden couch. “If I wasn’t already the Architect, I’d have Michael reboot me, too,” she said. “I could be just as much a danger to the experiment as Chidi.”

“But you won’t be,” Tahani said firmly. “You can make this work. I believe in you.”

“Thanks, gorgeous.” 

Pushing her hair behind her ears, Eleanor headed into the kitchen and began rifling Tahani’s fridge. “Okay, gross, is this kale? We’re in literal paradise, and you want kale?”

“John came over for dinner last night.” Tahani sat at the kitchen table, adjusting her dress around her knees. “I’m afraid that if I’m not the picture of perfection, he’s going to start an afterlife gossip column or something. He’s such a nuisance, started asking me about feuds that happened ages ago! He thinks he invented the rumor that Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss are together. _Invented_ it. If I weren’t such a good hostess, I would have—” 

“We’re supposed to be helping him,” Eleanor said dully. “Not dragging him behind his back.”

“Oh, get off your high horse.” Tahani folded her arms.  “He’s irritating. He makes Jason look easy to deal with.”

Eleanor snorted. “Compared to some of the demons we’ve met, Jason _is_ easy to deal with.” She handed Tahani an unidentifiable yellow fruit. “What the fork is this?”

“I needed to impress him!” Tahani hissed. “It’s a durian. Don’t open it.”

Eleanor stood poised with a knife. “Why not?”

“Just trust me. Don’t do it.”

“Hey, homies!”

Eleanor turned as Jason ambled into the kitchen, fully clad in his monk robes. Despite the outfit, he was holding a Jaguars jersey and a can of spray-paint.

“What are you doing?” Eleanor asked. “You’re supposed to be a monk! Monks don’t carry around spray-paint!”

“I was gonna go do some graffiti under the bridge,” he replied airily. “Anyone wanna come with me?”

Eleanor snatched the can from his grasp. “Monks don’t graffiti, either! Can you do me one small favor and not ruin this experiment so that we’re not all tortured forever?”

Jason set the jersey on the counter. “Do we gotta take ethics classes again, too?”

“That wasn’t the plan,” Tahani said, “but you might need a few more if you’re still trying to do graffiti in the fake Good Place.”

“But Chidi doesn’t remember us,” Jason complained. “It’s not the same.”

At the mention of Chidi, Eleanor’s temporary good spirits drained. “I’m such a disaster,” she mumbled. “I didn’t even show Chidi around the neighborhood. I couldn’t. I broke down in Michael’s office instead.”

“It’s kinda your office now,” Jason pointed out. “You’re the one running everything.”

“How can I run everything if I can’t even handle myself around Chidi?” Eleanor demanded. “I saw his face for five forking minutes and started weeping the moment he left. He’s definitely going to know something’s up if I keep doing this. Even Janet was acting suspiciously. She is not a good liar.”

“So pull yourself together,” Tahani suggested, not unkindly. “Figure out a way to deal with it, and then deal with it. You can face him.”

“Why would Chidi…” Eleanor shook her head. “No. I know why Chidi did what he did. I just…he knew what it would do to me. And he still did it.”

It silenced them all for a minute. 

“He believed you could do this without him,” Tahani said quietly. 

Eleanor’s voice, embarrassingly, cracked. “I don’t know if I can.”

_In every version, every step of the way, he’s had my back the whole time._

_And now I have to watch him not ever know we were in love._

Her hands tightened around the knife. 

_Shawn did this,_ she realized. 

_I’m going to make him pay._

“Eleanor, darling, put down the knife.” Tahani swooped around her, gently guiding it out of her hand and setting it on the counter before Jason. “It isn’t worth it. Who are you planning to stab with that? Not Chidi, I hope.”

“Shawn,” Eleanor muttered. 

“So we can stab people here?” Jason’s face lit up.

“No,” Tahani said exasperatedly. “Why I even bother with the lot of you…alright, Eleanor, look at me.”

Eleanor sniffled—Christ, she’d been crying a lot over the past two days—and looked up at Tahani. “Not a problem,” she said, managing a watery wink. 

Tahani shook her head. “You’re still the one who got us here,” she said. “Without you, we would be in the Bad Place right now, being eaten alive by ice bees. Chidi knows—knew that. He knew you could do that. And he still loves you.”

“No, he doesn’t.” Eleanor cast a glance out the window, across the lush front lawn. “He doesn’t know me at all.”

“You’ve bonded eight hundred times without either of you knowing anything,” Tahani said. “This is an advantage, Eleanor. Hiding from it won’t fix what Chidi did.” She raised her eyebrows. “And you’ve still got us. Me, Michael, Janet, and Jas—” 

“Yo, what is this?” Jason interrupted, scooping the spiky fruit towards him. “What’s inside it?”

“Jason, _no_!” Tahani lunged for the knife.  

It was too late. Jason plunged it directly into the durian, releasing a noxious odor into the kitchen. Tahani shrieked, fleeing from the room. Jason whooped and leaned closer to inhale, earning himself a fit of coughing. 

Watching the scene, Eleanor couldn’t help but laugh. 

At least she had her friends. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is three chapters too many to post in one day? yes. but do i live by conventional posting schedules? nope

When Chidi heard a knock on day three, he hoped it would finally be Eleanor paying the visit she had cheerily promised on day one. Instead, he was confronted by a very sad-looking monk holding a box of pizza. He mutely offered it to Chidi.

“Uh...thanks,” he said. “Your name is Jason, right?”

A nod. 

“Cool. You want some pizza, too?”

Jason’s eyes lit up, and he nodded. 

“Great.” It felt kind of awkward, carrying on a one-way conversation. He nudged the door shut with his foot, carrying the pizza to the table and setting it down while he went to grab plates. 

_Topics of conversation? But he doesn’t talk. But does he want to sit in silence? Of course he does, he’s a monk. But I’m not, should I make small talk?_

Luckily, as he cast a glance at his silent companion, Jason seemed to be waiting for him to say something.  

“So...vow of silence, huh?” He could have kicked himself. 

Jason nodded, staring glumly at the pizza. 

“I would say tell me about yourself, but you’re kind of at a loss to do that, I guess.”

Jason’s mouth twitched, almost as if he were trying to suppress a laugh. He seemed almost on the verge of speaking…but surely not. 

Chidi set the plates on the table. Jason immediately took a slice of pizza, then pushed the box towards him. 

_What do we have in common?_ he thought desperately, then wished he hadn’t. Because there was one very obvious thing, and it wasn’t exactly light dinner conversation material, even for a one-way discussion.  _Here goes nothing._

“So, uh,” Chidi said casually, “do you remember how you died?”

Jason choked on his pizza. Coughing, he shook his head, then looked at Chidi meaningfully, as if to say, _and you?_

“Air conditioning unit fell on my head,” Chidi informed him. “I was trying to pick a bar, I thought I’d just ruined my best friend’s wedding...I guess I ruined more than just his wedding. I was so indecisive that it killed me. It ran my life, and then it killed me.” He paused to look at Jason, who was listening intently. “Sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. You probably prefer to sit in silence.”

Jason raised his eyebrows and shook his head, then gestured for Chidi to continue.

“It’s probably better you can’t remember how you died,” Chidi told him. “I almost wish I didn’t.”

Jason shrugged, gnawing at the crust of his pizza. The meal progressed in silence for a few minutes while Chidi fished for something to say. 

“I was a professor of moral philosophy at St. John’s University,” Chidi continued in the silence. “I guess—they’ve probably replaced me by now.”

Jason dipped his head once. 

Chidi finished his slice, then reached over and closed the box. “Hey, did I see you earlier with...was that Tahani Al-Jamil?”

A vaguely alarmed look crossed Jason’s face, and he opened his mouth slightly, but he closed it and nodded. 

“What are the odds,” Chidi mused. “Did she tell you how she died?”

Jason nodded again. He held up one arm, elbow bent and fingers pointing to the ceiling, then imitated something toppling over. Chidi winced. 

“Something fell on her, too?”

There was a _bing_ , and Chidi jumped as Janet appeared next to the table, face slightly pinched. Even after three days, he still wasn’t used to her unpredictable presence. Or the weird hesitance she carried whenever she saw him. 

“Chidi,” she said. “If you don’t mind, I need to speak with Jason. I’m sorry to interrupt your dinner.”

“It’s fine,” he said. “Uh...it was nice to see you, Jason.”

Jason nodded slightly, standing and heading for the door. He spared Chidi a slight smile before following Janet outside. 

There was a loud sigh as the door shut. Chidi hesitated, still holding both of their plates, unsure whether the sigh was Janet or Jason. 

“Did you say anything?” Janet asked anxiously.

And to Chidi’s utter shock, he heard Jason’s response. 

“No,” he grumbled. “I almost did. I wanna tell him everything, but Eleanor would kill me.”

“Eleanor would kill you because we only have one shot at this,” Janet said tersely. “Judge Gen was very clear.”

Chidi’s mind was frantically spinning as he pressed his ear to the door.  _What the everloving—?_

“But Michael reset us a lot,” Jason complained. “Why can’t he do it again?”

“The whole point is that you four improved every time,” Janet reminded him. “This will work out fine.” Chidi sensed hesitation in her tone. “And, I also wanted to talk to you about us.”

“You mean us being boyfriend/girlfriend?”

Chidi almost dropped the plates. 

“I’m not a girl,” Janet said brightly. “But, yes, us being in a relationship.”

“I just got one question though. Derek, was, like…” Jason’s voice faded as they walked down the hallway, leaving Chidi there on the other side of the door, flabbergasted as he tried to process the sheer amount of information he had just accidentally stumbled upon. 

_Jason talks. Jason is clearly not a monk. Janet knows. Janet is in a relationship with Jason. The two of them are in some kind of plot with Eleanor, Michael, and at least one other person, based on Janet’s comment about “the four of you.” There is someone named Gen currently judging...something. And Jason wants to tell me about it, but Eleanor is stopping him._

_What do I do? Who do I trust?_

There was only one other person he could think of to talk to, and he didn’t have the foggiest clue where to find her. 

Then he snorted. The biggest house in the neighborhood. He knew enough about her to know that, at least. 

He checked the clock. 8 PM. Plenty of time to find her. He wrenched the door open and headed into the night. 

Tahani had spoken to Jason. Maybe she knew something. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all your comments are SO NICE I APPRECIATE THEM SO MUCH THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING THIS

It was not to be. 

The moment Chidi stopped on Tahani’s front walkway, he saw the front door open and stopped in his tracks. 

“I’ll see you later, babe,” a familiar voice called. “I gotta find Michael. And talk to Mindy about keeping Derek out of our trees.”

As the door shut, Chidi ducked behind a bush as Eleanor strolled past. He held his breath but she didn’t break stride, heading to the street and disappearing between streetlights. 

_Eleanor. Janet. Michael. Jason. Tahani._ Maybe Tahani wasn’t part of it, but she was still friendly enough with Eleanor that Eleanor called her ‘babe.’ _Could they be dating? Or does Eleanor just do that with everyone? She seems like that type._

Talking to Tahani was out of the question, at least for now. 

_Frozen yogurt. I need frozen yogurt._  

As he stumbled back onto the street in a daze, he didn’t notice the woman on the sidewalk until she grabbed him by the shoulders and righted him, preventing a collision. 

“Sorry,” Chidi managed. “Just processing a few things.”

She laughed. “Weird being dead, isn’t it?” She had an Australian accent and a bright, open smile. “I’m still processing it myself.”

Something about her sent a jolt of recognition through Chidi. 

“Do I know you?” he asked carefully. “Or...did I know you? When we were alive?”

“I dunno, where are you from?” She fell into step with him as they began walking. 

“Born in Senegal,” he replied. “I went to school in America, then wound up teaching in Australia. St. John’s University. Moral philosophy.”

His words came in short bursts—he was still reeling from the Tahani revelation, but the woman’s eyes widened.

“I was there too!” she exclaimed. “Neuroscience department. My name’s Simone Garnett.” 

“That must be why you look familiar,” Chidi reasoned, although something still tugged at the back of his mind. “I’m Chidi Anagonye.”  

“Nice to meet you, Chidi Anagonye.” She gestured to the froyo shop they were passing. “I’m going this way—d’you want to come with? Unless you were headed somewhere important.”

“I was, actually,” Chidi said, “also going to get some frozen yogurt. It’s the one thing I can make sense of here.” He had to be careful, he knew, unsure if he was able to trust Simone. “Some of the neighbors are…not what I was expecting.” 

“Yeah, have you met Michael, Eleanor’s assistant? He’s a weird guy—talks to some of the residents, but avoids me. Also, I ran into a woman who was badgering Janet for cocaine, and I don’t think she’s supposed to be here. And—” She squinted. “Is that a man in a tree?"

Chidi looked up. Sure enough, a man in a suit was perched on a low-hanging limb of a tree, holding a martini glass full of olives. 

“I think his name is Derek,” Chidi recalled, playing back Eleanor’s parting words to Tahani. “The afterlife is so strange.”

Simone pushed open the door to the frozen yogurt shop. “They’d have you believe it’s total paradise." 

Behind the counter, a woman waved cheerily. “Hi! I’m Daphne. What flavor would you like tonight?”

Simone considered the giant menu. “Can I have a sample of Walking Out Of An Exam You Aced, please?” 

“Absolutely.” Daphne handed Simone a plastic spoonful. “And you?”

“Um…” Chidi stood frozen, eyes darting across the menu. “Uh…”

_Why didn’t I think this through?!? I have to choose a flavor!_

“This is great, I’ll take one of these. And he’ll have a Walking Into A Warm Building On A Cold Day,” Simone cut in, pulling him out of the way. “Thanks! Hey. Chidi? What’s with the freeze-up?”

“I’m really bad at making decisions,” Chidi mumbled. “Like, life-destructively bad.” 

Simone let out a loud laugh. “You are _so weird._ Seriously, man. Come on, which table do you want to sit at?”

Chidi flashed her a panicked look.

“I’m just kidding!” She took the yogurts with a quick _thank you_ and directed them to a table just out of sight of the window. “No decisions, huh? Wait.” She aimed a finger at him. “Were you that professor that died up in Canada after getting fired for having a breakdown in class?”

“What? No,” he said. “I died from an air conditioning unit almost falling on my head.”

“That’s so weird.” Simone scooped a spoonful. “I wonder why they have frozen yogurt places and not ice cream? But I also wonder why so many of us at the university have died under mysterious circumstances?” She grinned conspiratorially at him. “I’m actually not entirely sure how I died. I think I got hit by a truck. So maybe not so mysterious.”

“But the one in Canada was?” 

“No one was sure what he was doing up there. Actually, I can’t even remember his name, I’m totally blanking. It’s like it was wiped from my brain. Must be a side effect of dying.” She brushed a stray hair from her face. “But he was with…” She frowned at her frozen yogurt. “I can’t remember. I actually can’t even remember where I heard about this. Maybe I’m going crazy.”

“Side effect of death,” Chidi echoed. “You could always ask Janet. She’d know.”

“Oh, that’s brilliant!” Simone crowed. “Janet?” 

Janet appeared in front of their table, her usual smile in place—that immediately faded when her eyes landed on the two of them. “Chidi,” she said. “Simone. You’re…here. Together.”

“Last I checked, it wasn’t illegal,” Simone joked. “No, we were talking about how we both worked at St. John’s University, and how I read something about _another_ professor who died, but I can’t for the life of me remember his name, or even how I knew about it. Who was the one that died up in Canada?”

Janet’s face drained into a stone mask. “That didn’t happen,” she said. “No one died in Canada.”

“Yeah! He was with other people, he’d just been fired for something…” Simone shook her head. “I can’t remember anything.”

“Because it didn’t happen,” Janet said quickly. “You’re wrong. I have to go. Immediately.”

She disappeared before Simone could even protest.

“So _weird,_ ” Simone said again, eating another spoonful of froyo. “I guess I am going crazy. Oh, well. Had to happen eventually.” 

But Chidi wasn’t so sure.

…

“Michael!”

Eleanor glanced up as Janet appeared next to them in the office, looking slightly panicked. 

“What?” Michael raised his head from the file he was studying. “Is there a problem, Janet?" 

Janet closed her eyes briefly, as if to check her hysteria. Secretly, Eleanor smiled—it was a very human tendency. “Chidi’s getting frozen yogurt with Simone right now.”

Eleanor’s heart dropped about a mile, but she kept her features carefully blank. “Okay,” she said quietly, then cleared her throat. “Okay. That’s fine. It’s not ideal, but it’s fine.” 

“That’s not the bad part,” Janet said urgently. “Simone was talking about how she remembered that a professor from St. John’s University got fired and then died in Canada, but she couldn’t remember who it was.”

Eleanor winced. “You didn’t erase that from her memory?”

“It’s hard to get everything!” Michael exclaimed. “What did you say to her?”

“I panicked and said it didn’t happen!” Janet’s eyes flew to Eleanor. “Chidi didn’t look like he believed me. Eleanor, you have to start getting him to trust us. You know him better than anyone else. Talk to him.”

“There’s got to be another way to do this,” Eleanor said. “Can’t I, like, send him a text? Maybe a basket of that fruit on sticks? I used to send those to people who I didn’t want to ghost with a breakup note.”

“Janet said he’s suspicious,” Michael noted. “Avoiding him is very suspicious.”

“And also convenient,” Eleanor argued. “He can’t be that suspicious. Didn’t Jason go over to see him earlier tonight? If he thought Jason was a real monk, then we should be good, y’all.”

“Jason barely held it together,” Janet said. “We shouldn’t let him engage alone again. I went in and rescued him because I was afraid he would accidentally say something.”

“But he didn’t,” Michael interjected. 

Eleanor held up a hand. “It doesn’t matter,” she said. “Chidi’s still in the dark. The experiment is safe. And we only have one shot to get this right. So listen up, forksticks, because this is not about my feelings for Chidi. This is about keeping Chidi from having feelings for Simone, because that is not part of the plan.”

“It’s a little bit about your feelings,” Janet argued. 

“It’s about keeping my objectivity in check.”

Janet held up her fingers, spaced an inch apart. “Little bit.”

"Oh, and you going in to get Jason had nothing to do with—" 

“Eleanor,” Michael interrupted. “When are you meeting with Chidi?”

Eleanor sighed, dropping her head onto her desk. “Tomorrow. First thing. I need to review a few pages of John’s file, so I’ll see you in the morning.”

The dismissal was clear. Michael slipped out the office door, and Janet vanished into her void. 

When they were gone, Eleanor lifted her head and lifted a section of her desk to reveal a small screen. She leaned back in her chair and pressed PLAY.  And again, it did—the forgotten memories of her and Chidi. Studying philosophy. Sitting on a boat. Kissing over a meal. Arguing. Dancing in the rain. 

She didn’t cry this time. Her tears were spent by now, and she pushed down the bitterness that still arose, just concentrating on the reason they were in this situation in the first place. 

_Chidi sacrificed everything to save the human race. I can suck it up for a year to make sure he didn’t do it in vain._

_There are worse things than getting a fresh start with the love of my life._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took SO LONG and i'm also sorry because once march begins i'm probably not going to update again before april so i'll try to get in another chapter or 2 before then.

Chidi woke up with a dream still playing in his head. 

He’d been…in a bar? While there was…a fight? And there was someone next to him, someone he’d desperately wanted to protect. She'd had a high, clear voice, and she had yelled his name as he was dragged away.

And then he woke up, with the same heavy feeling weighing on his chest as he’d had the day he opened his eyes in the afterlife. 

_So my dreams are out to get me. Cool. Great. Fantastic. Super._

He’d walked Simone to her house all the way across town before heading back to his own place. On the way, he’d passed the office building, the door swinging open as he walked by. He froze, but it was only Eleanor, just as surprised to see him as he was to see her. 

“Chidi,” she’d blurted. “You’re out late.”

“I, uh…” Chidi hadn’t felt like sharing. “I’m on my way home now.”

“That’s good.” Uninvited, she’d fallen into step with him. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy; I promise I’ll stop by tomorrow. Are you...happy here? Making friends? Is everything working out?"

Chidi had checked her face. She’d looked anxious. And a little bit unhappy. He chalked it up to the stress of running a neighborhood. 

“Fine,” he’d answered evasively. “I met a neuroscientist who was a colleague of mine back on Earth.”

A flash of...something unreadable in her eyes. “That’s great.” Sincere.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?” Chidi had said as he stopped at his door. “If you have to postpone—” 

“No, I don’t,” Eleanor had replied immediately. “Tomorrow. I promise.”

So he had plans. He rolled out of bed and took a quick shower, hesitating over his array of sweater vests. 

_Just pick, Chidi._ The voice in his head was Uzo’s, and with a shudder, he reached out and grabbed a vest at random. Faded blue. 

_Just pick, Chidi._

That wasn’t Uzo’s voice. That was a sing-songy Aussie accent. _Red or blue._

Simone’s voice? But she hadn’t said anything like that last night. 

A knock at the door startled Chidi from his bewilderment and he pulled the vest over his head and headed to the door. Eleanor stood on the other side, a paper bag in hand, a wide smile on her face. She dressed a shade more casual than he, in a loose t-shirt with a tri-colored pink, purple and blue stripe across the front, jeans, and white sneakers, pale hair tucked behind her ears. 

“Breakfast,” she said. Then, taking in his appearance, “Sorry. Am I early?” 

“What?” Chidi glanced down. His sweater vest was inside out. “Oh, no. I got a late start this morning. My apologies.”

“No worries.” She set the bag down and began unpacking muffins of different varieties as he quickly corrected the error. “We got two new residents yesterday, so it’s been hectic, but those were the last two, so we’re all settled in here.” She grabbed the cranberry muffin and slid him a blueberry one, sparing him the issue of having to choose. (And somehow, she’d guessed his favorite. No, of course she’d known. She was the architect, she knew everything.) “So, you met Simone last night? Isn’t she great?”

Her cheerful tone was slightly forced, but Chidi latched onto the subject anyway as he poured two cups of coffee and set one down in front of Eleanor. “She seems...great, yeah.”

“We don’t get a lot of moral philosophy professors here,” Eleanor said, dumping sugar into her coffee and forgoing milk entirely. “What were your classes like?”

He launched into a story of the weirdest one he could remember, involving one student bringing a tarantula to class and another trying to prove an ethical theory using an umbrella and a carton of ice cream. Eleanor laughed in all the right places, idly sipping coffee and chewing on a second muffin, but something tugged at the back of Chidi’s mind. Another class he’d had, a weirder one. 

Someone...singing? Nobody had ever sung in his class. 

“But you already know this,” he said finally. “You know everything about my life, don’t you?”

Eleanor’s eyes widened briefly, as if she’d been caught in a lie, but she quickly gulped down a mouthful of coffee. “We get the files,” she said, “but it’s not like we watched the whole thing as it was happening.”

“I see.” He didn’t. 

Eleanor didn’t answer, crumpling her muffin wrapper. Her hair tumbled over her face, escaping from behind her ear, and Chidi was struck for the first time by how absolutely beautiful she was. 

_Janet said they all wear human suits. It’s not what she really looks like. What does she really look like?_

“How old are you?” he ventured.

“Emotionally, thirty-three.” She actually winked. “In actuality, the age of the universe.”

“How’d you and Michael start working together?”

She grinned. “Luck of the draw. He used to be downright demonic, let me tell you, but I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”

“And Janet. She’s not what I expected. I figured she’d be more...emotionless.”

“She’s got to be attuned to our needs,” Eleanor said vaguely. “She’s an excellent friend, as well.”

“Is she supposed to be...programmed to have romantic feelings?” Chidi hedged. 

Eleanor’s smile dropped. “It’s not unheard of,” she said stonily. “Why?”

_Careful. Don’t reveal what you know._

“I was just wondering what her range of emotions extended to.”

“Classified information.” Her smile returned. “I’ve known Michael and Janet for a long time.”

“How many years?”

“Are you familiar with the concept of Jeremy Bearimy? No. You know what? I’m not going to break your brain today.” She stood and gathered her clipboard, downing the last of her coffee. “It was really nice to see you, Chidi. I’ll check in more often, I promise, but I’ve got to get to a meeting.”

“Who is Jeremy Bearimy?” Chidi asked. 

Eleanor set down her belongings and crossed to the chalkboard, thinking for a moment before scrawling a sequence of loopy letters on it. 

JEREMY BEARIMY. 

“I was promised,” she said hollowly, as if speaking directly to the letters themselves, “by someone I really loved that I would someday get to live in the dot of the i with him forever."

Chidi didn’t even know where to begin unpacking that phrase.  

“And...is that still the plan?” he asked carefully. 

Eleanor gave him a sad smile. “I really hope so.”

As she shut the door behind her, Chidi was left staring at the letters, a dull sense of déjà vu ringing an alarm in the recesses of his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on tumblr! @eleanorshellstr0p


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